In the crook of a couple limbs in the tree by our little white fence, there is a nest. I discovered it empty a few days ago, and yesterday upon checking again found two little blue eggs. This always reminds me of Ann Voskamp's book with the nest of eggs on the cover. In particular this year it reminded me of a recent post I read by her that has some of the simplest writings about being a mum that I've ever read. It truly shares my yearnings and desires as a mum, 6 years into it and about to start fresh with a newborn.
When I was a little girl, being a mommy was all I wanted. I had baby dolls galore and playing house was what filled my days. No one told me though, like no one told me about breastfeeding, it doesn't always come easily or naturally. It is hard and you feel like you're making a huge mess and something isn't clicking.
Like Ann's article said,
"What you really wanted is to be extraordinarily, obviously, good at this. At this mothering thing."
But no one told me that the very thing I yearned for would be the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I didn't know to expect to feel so inadequate, like a complete flop and so very impatient. Yeah...patience. Wow. Why can't I stay calm in all circumstances and reply with a quiet answer? Why does my voice sound so tired and worn out instead of cheerful and interested when conversing with a little girl who is pretending to be an otter?
Motherhood is sanctifying, so I had heard. Those words meant nothing to me till this past fall when it finally sunk in: God is perfecting me through this thing called mothering. Just as in every stage of life. Whether you're single, married, childless, parenting teenagers, applying for AARP, caring for aging parents, or alone and widowed, it can be sanctifying.
And God will meet you there, in that stage of life, with his grace. Because he knows we can't do it on our own. We are complete failures without him. So it's encouraging to read the conclusion of Ann's article because it reminds me that:
"You don’t have to know how to do it all.
You just have to choose to be all here, right where you are.
So in my miserable little moments that are sliding downhill, Christ will be there. I can only be sanctified and redeemed through those mistakes and cling to my Savior who gives grace so abundantly.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."